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It is very important indeed to know when not to do what you are told. For instance what if you want to be taken in hand? If you always did what you were told you would never get to feel that lovely just been spanked feeling. What if it has been so long since you have felt his control that you are getting that sort of lost feeling? (Depending on the person this could be an hour, day month, year or whatever.) You know the feeling I’m talking about. Of course this is only true if you are a woman and you like to be taken in hand. If you are not and/or you do not, do not read any further.

Control and power

If you are like me, you are hoping he will bite the bait and find a way to get you to kiss him – some nice, strong, manly, wilful way of getting that kiss. Nothing serious of course, but serious enough to let you know that he gets what he wants when he wants it. Feeling his control and getting a kiss, what could be better? I know, I know, some of you will complain that it is awfully close to the dreaded “b” word. It is a very unpopular word in some quarters. But there is no doubt about it, I find that if I can feel his control and power in fun situations often, then we do not have very many serious taken in hand moments. It is like I have a kind of amnesia when it comes to being taken in hand. (Maybe some things are better off forgotten?!) Intellectually I know he is in control. But there is a cave woman inside of me who starts to get doubts if I have not had some real, physical taken in hand experience in a while. I need him to prove his toughness, his strength of will, his resolve. What I do not need is a fairly blistered backside very often. So I play with him. I taunt his manliness. I push his resolve. If we do it for fun, then he can show me that yes he will play ball if push comes to shove. That little cave woman is satisfied: she knows that if he will fight for control in a fun way, then he will do it in a big way if necessary. It is all subconscious. The cave woman works under the radar; my intellectual self knows better than to play with fire…Let sleeping lions lie and all that. The sneaky cave woman likes giving my husband a little test every now and then – and the sex this kind of electricity allows us to have!

Timing is important

Timing is important when choosing your moment to not do what you are told. If you choose your moment carelessly you could end up getting a little more taken in hand than you want. When he says, “Come here for a kiss,” with a lovely smile on his face, that may be a good time to try defiance. With your best playful look in your eye say, with your sweetest of sweet voices, something like, “Make me!” (You could also try telling him where he could kiss you, but I do not advise it, too risky….Not that I have ever tried it or anything.) Any self respecting loving kind of guy will know what you need when you say that. Then you just need to decide how much you are going to fight him for that kiss he wants. Well you want it too, but sometimes there is just something better about it when it is taken from you! Is he willing to fight you for it? How will he go about getting it from you?

Knowing your woman

I find his control in our relationship very erotic. So why should we have to wait for the serious moments that do not come very often to feel that power? If we waited I am sure that the number of serious incidences would climb for us. That cavewoman gets louder and louder the longer we go between taken in hand moments. Who needs a seriously blistered backside when you can have a kiss you wanted anyway? I am lucky my husband loves to show me he is willing to use this control on a regular basis so we have no conflict here, well, no conflict that we do not want. He would fight me as much as I am willing to struggle to the get the kiss he wants, he will fight until I surrender the kiss to him. So as far as I am concerned knowing your man is knowing exactly when not to do what you are told!

Sounds good to me

I really liked this article. For me, the whole point of domination and submission is because it's enjoyable.. I don't want to have to wait for things to get heavy and serious (or even find myself pushing them in that direction) just in order to feel a man's domination. Like Tevemer said, if a woman can feel her man's power and control at other times, then there will likely be fewer truly rocky moments in the relationship. Tevemer says she has her "cave woman" inside that wants to test the man and ensure that he's strong enough to take control; other women would say they like to let their "inner brat" come out to play. Noone once wrote an article here on how the woman has her "inner dragon" and she wants her man to be the strong knight who can tame that beast. He said: The Knight in Shining Armor allegory arises from the man saving the woman from the dragon that is within her. If a man is unable to accomplish that task, he quickly loses his luster in her eyes. So it seems it's not an uncommon thing for women to feel that they have a very willful aspect to their personality, and to fear that maybe the man won't be strong enough to handle it. I can relate well to that; I guess I think of the part of me that wants to push and test the man as my inner "ninja witch." It's not a very overt thing; she usually lurks in the shadows where you can't see it, but she can suddenly appear without warning. That aggessiveness is definitely part of who I am, and in other situations it can serve me well. (And then again, sometimes not so well. Ahem.) But in a romantic relationship with a strong man, I want to know that he can overpower and defeat that little ninja witch without any effort at all. That's what makes me feel all melty and lusty. Not that the ninja witch will ever be gone; she'll always be there, but she'll know better than to try and mess with that man. But that's a little too intense for most men; they don't seem to realize that it's an invitation to take charge and put me in my place. (That would be on the bottom...) Sometimes when life gets more chaotic, there is even an inner dragon that seems to appear; that's harder to deal with than my ninja witch side, but I'd sure like to find a man strong enough to tame that beast. Anyway, while I'm not into childish types of "bratty" behavior, I do like to play and tease and test the man's dominance. And if the man is secure in his dominance, I think he would welcome that; because he, too, would get a thrill out of demonstrating his power and control over his woman. What dominant man wouldn't love doing that?


You are quite right that my husband enjoys it as much as I do. For us this thing is very much a part of our sexuality and how we express that to each other. I enjoy his authority in our relationship. I think that is why I do things that maybe considered "childish". I do not see it as that, but the fun things I need to do to provoke an authoritative response out of him may seem childish I suppose to some people. He displays his dominance in our relationship through authority. We like to wrestle and play that way too. I love to feel how much stronger he is than me. Really the majority of our dominance and submission is me submitting to his authority in our relationship. I do not see these things as childish because they make me feel sexually attracted to my husband and he more sexually attracted to me. They do not provoke the same response that poor behaviour by a child would. I am not sure if all taken in hand relationship is authority based, but that is definitely what works for us.